and i know i've told you this story a million times but ****, man, it hurts. it hurts knowing that i have no one left, that maybe i am that girl who ends up alone in the end. it hurts knowing i don't really fit in anywhere and that guy at school told me that everyone thinks i'm a stuck up ***** and i guess maybe he's right but it hurts it hurts it really ******* hurts. it's weird because i used to dream about being this broken because it would be good for my poetry but now i'm broken and my poetry's still ****. they're asking me where i wanted to go for university and the answer is hold on, do i even want to go to university can i stand another four years in four walls surrounded by people who don't give a **** about me? i've done it all my life and i'm losing my mind i really don't wanna go down that road anymore, you know? i've been sleeping a lot lately and i wake up when it's dark and that helps i guess the drugs help me sleep but it's getting harder to find the motivation to wake up every single day i push the clock a little further thinking maybe this is it maybe this is when it all ends if i just sleep a little longer. the nightmares. the nightmares, they don't get any better and i wake up in the dark and i wake up all alone and i scream. for you. for help. for God. at some point between praying to you and praying to God i start mixing up names and i pray to you for God and i pray to God for you and i don't really know who i'm praying to anymore, really. maybe it doesn't matter. point is i'm struggling, i'm suffering, and if there's a chance, if there's a little bit of salvation hidden beneath the pebbles of my path: give it to me, please, save me somehow.