I have long since forgotten your name
But even now still
When my breathing labours
I remember the pressure of your hand
Holding tightly onto mine
Keeping me in the presence
I can still feel the coolness of your skin against my clammy palms
The way you brushed my hair away from my eyes
And held my head against your chest
So that I could align my panting breaths to the steady beating in your chest
When all I could hear was the rushing roar of blood against my ears
And feel the numbness right down to my toes
When my eyelids strained to remain open
I remember the edges of your body pressed against mine
And how even though it felt like I was dying
I was glad that I wasn't alone
Those moments felt like a lifetime
Through slow motion I heard your soft murmurs
I can't remember what you said
But it was as gentle as your knuckles
Brushing lightly against my cheeks
Your eyes calm in contrast to the desperation in mine
As they stared at you
Silently commanding
Imploring that you save me from drowning
Begging for you to understand my demons
Without asking any questions
Embarassed that you were witnessing me self destruct
In an uncontrollable manner
Spiralling
Unravelling
I wonder if you can see my lungs caving
My heart is being squeezed through its cage
But it can't fit through the narrow gaps of the bones surrounding it in a painful hug
I can feel it
It's trying to escape and be free
But it can't
And that makes me panic

My heart is caged
I can't feel it
I want to reach down my throat and rip it out
But my throat also conspires against it
It tightens its passage
Refusing to let it burst through my lips
And splatter in all its glory at your feet
My blood boils in protest
I am left gasping
Out of breath
I feel everything
I've never felt so much
It overwhelms me like a suffocating blanket
I welcome the darkness
To escape this feeling