nothing is safe from these hands

how many know i used to write
in lowercase when
the senses died in my fingertips
do you remember
a time when i thought that it was better
you hated me than loved me
because i didn't have to fight it?
tired
has always been code for depressed
stressed has always been code for
undressed in front of the mirror shaking at the knees
because i don't like what i see.
i have been in denial
as to whether i am fine
for a few weeks because i don't have the option
of weakness right now

why
how
why
how

i don't know
who i am and i'm sorry
that you don't either and it confuses you.