Is this a poem? Not in the true form of poetry I'd say. Is it straight from my heart, raw emotion and deafening heartbreak like most poems express? Yes. Beyond that. I've been hurt, lied to, cheated on, abandoned, abused and been left crying alone in the dust several times over my life. But when part of you knows the person who's breaking your heart doesn't and didn't deserve you and that even though you're afraid to be alone, it's a blessing that they're leaving you behind... The heart break isn't so traumatic. It's the adjustment to be alone again that is the real struggle. Eventually with each of these people that broke my heart at one point, I realized I was never in love with them. I was never comfortable in my own skin with them and I too had one foot out the door. But when you meet someone and you just click. Nothing has to be forced. Things aren't awkward and the relationship has a momentum all its own. It's different. It's easy. There's room to breathe and just relax. When you can be100% yourself with no judgement but still keep things real and call each on the others ******* and it doesn't end in bloodshed and you grow closer... That's something entirely different. When you can talk for hours or sit in silence. Have amazing *** but also just lay next to each intimately without getting physical. When you fight but can't stay mad. When you tell each other everything. When you realize you found a best friend and a lover too. When hearing their name brightens your face, when everyone around you sees it too. When you get to the day you're wondering where the **** has this person been all my life and then you realize when you're laying besides them that "I love you" is constantly on the tip of your tongue... That's when you know it's different. It's real and even when it's difficult you still want it and don't go wandering to see where the grass might be greener... When they do something outta the blue that rocks your world so hard, and the anxiety takes over because if you lose this, if it dies an unnatural death.. It'll devastate you. Unravel you. And even though part of you is so mad, angry and feeling betrayed and a little stupid, you're silently hoping they'll say anything to take back what they've done. Explain it so not only can you understand but also forgive. When you just are dying to see the sorrow, regret and remorse in their eyes because it just can't end here. Not like this. Not when everything has just been falling into place with no extra effort. When it's to the point you've become a pair, a team a unit. When it's 4am and you can't stop checking your phone. When you realize it could potentially end before you ever got to tell them you loved them because you just barely figured it out yourself... When forgiving and moving forward means more than being angry and right... That's when you know you're life isn't complete without them. And that's when you know.. And you just want them to know. And you're on your knees praying you haven't been tricked. That this moment won't actually define who they are and destroy who you thought you knew. When you are dying to say " I hate you so ******* much right now! How could you treat me this way?! How could you be all the things you swore you weren't?! And how come I don't hate you at all?!!!" How come I don't hate you...

I love you