I seem to lack the talent of being able to see any beauty within myself
I find everything beautiful
I can look at the sky and describe the clouds in metaphors
that artists could turn into a masterpiece
I can look at my best friend and tell her how she is the image of the sun,
the moon, a field of roses and the stars combined into a human being that is absolutely flawless
I can look at the man I love and spend hours telling him how he was created with intense love and that everytime he smiles my heart literally feels like it is going to beat right out of my chest
I can look at my nieces and tell them over and over again as I kiss their precious faces how they are beautiful angels with wings so big and hearts so pure that one day their beauty is going to take the breathes away from so many people
I can look at my mother and see all of the hell she has been through in her lifetime and still be able to tell her how she is a beautiful walking story of inspiration and that if she did not exist in my life my whole world would not make sense
I can find beauty in a stranger and see qualities they probably never even knew they had
I look at me and all I see is disappointment
I see failure
I see ugliness
I see a waste of space
I see someone who is like an annoying dog who everyone likes to tie up outside and forget about
I see anxiety and depression and the state of isolation it causes me on days I can't function with the world
I see someones who will always be disgusting no matter what I do
no colors of hair dye,
no shades of lipstick,
no pounds shed off of my body,
no plastic surgeries,
nothing will make me beautiful because I'm not beautiful
I try to see what other people see and I can't
My view in the mirror is like a rainy day full of gray and pain and
my view of anyone else is like looking at the ocean as the sun sets and
I can't stop because everyone else is so beautiful
If I'm not ugly as everyone claims
then I must have broken eyes