One day you'll find yourself missing her in the worst way there is to miss a person.
Bones in your body cracks in every searching steps.
You can't differ between your sobs and a ticking clock.
And your soul, it wrestles with the one in your head. Daily bloodshed of "This is not real, she is still here." and "This is. It is. She has found another home and she is now whole."
One day you will find yourself missing her in the nastiest possible way there is to be an empty shell.
To breakdown in every intersection you walk in,
and to look at a carcrash and think 'at least I can survive that'.
To feel every fiber every atom in your whole being burn and scream,
they are begging,
they are begging for you to ******* breathe.
To inhale air on to your lungs and not her ever leaving scents,
to put air on it and not chants of 'I miss her' because repeating those words won't take you anywhere but the graveyard.
You'll start making god out of every thing.
Your home, your mother, your socks, the ring you never get any chance to give her.
You just need to hang on to those beliefs, that even if your god won't hear your cries, you can still beg the other ones to return her.
Your knees touch the ground more often than your lip does the cigarette.


(But now that she's still here she'll still be the one taking all the pills.)