Riding on a tank

I saw a dream walking on the sand
Or it could have been a hedgerow road
Wearing a hijab or a Sunday dress
Or a naked body covered in screams
The images laced with the faces,
Of the waiting ones, who for them,
Life is about nature walks
And laughing with their children
But now they only know shock
Nobody told them how to cope
With bombs
And the dreams of despots

I saw them
Their blank faces unable to reach me
Was I their savior
Or the reality of true power
I love my family
They believed in me
But to a stranger, I am a machine
A soldier ready to die
But it wasn’t that way
It’s not that simple
I don’t want to die
And yes, I am afraid

Yes, they do
The memory of a sacred ceremony
Do you have one?
They do
The defeated ones
They have a God
They have blood planted where you stand
You cannot erase a memory
Unless you **** a man
And his family
All of them
Then you can pretend it didn’t happen

We were sent with visions of glory
It is the way of war
But we cannot imagine it
For glory does not provide details
Only parades and salutes
And tears
It does not speak of panic
Of equipment failure
Of battle fatigue
Of another man willing to die for his God
Or his Fuhrer
You didn’t read it in the manual

Void and formless
Light
Oceans
Continents
Life
Vanity
Race
Predominance
Op­pression
Death
Did he set it in motion
Or is he trying to turn it around?

I don’t want to die
But I am about to lose everything I have
My life now is like crossing a freeway
It can be done
You just have to know how to do it
Or just be lucky
Am I wearing the right clothes?
The women are dressed for their God
The Sunday dress
The hijab
They were ready
Except the screams of burning flesh is not a dress

I lost a fight once in school
Now I'm an assassin
A dangerous man
That’s all I need to think about
Killing another man
And I can **** another man
With a gun
Or a knife
They are supposed to fear me
They need to fear me
But I am afraid of myself
Violence is all that matters now
That’s what everyone wants

I walked out on the field
The  crowd was cheering for me
Then my eyes met those of a kneeling man
A brave man playing a violent sport
I nodded to him
But he didn’t stand up
He watched me honored for surviving
For surviving something greater than myself
Right or wrong
And he knew that people hated him
They hated him for not honoring me
But I wasn’t angry
I could only think about those women