Here is my chance, to show myself, give the world a glance.
of what's behind this façade that I put on every day.
But truth is, I've always been afraid that when people look at me they would quickly look the other way.
I came from the bottom, I've worked my way up
that's not me bragging, things have run quite amuck
I'm ashamed of my past and I'm ashamed of the thoughts that come up when I'm alone.
The places I visit here inside my skull.
My feelings are such unruly little trouble makers.  I try to put on a mask and then pull away.  It's not that I don't want to be honest.  Though I know hiding the truth is a manipulation.
Truth is I want to be touched and reminded that I matter.
But what's the matter?
Like a little kid in need of attention? Love is a band aid for all the negativity that has been cloaking me without consent.
But truth is, I just need someone who will let me vent, who will listen without any judgement.
I run over the same thoughts what a bore.  These memories have become quite a chore but I faithfully put on this play every evening as I remember those moments that made me feel like life was okay a thing to be living.