I'm listening to the rain outside and wondering why it is that every time I reached out you dissolved like smoke between my fingers. Too many nights of misunderstood signals and mistakes. I should have known from the first moment that we were doomed to repeat the pattern of being exactly in the same place yet missing each other by feet that could have been light years. My mind caresses the ridges of your key, the curve of your laugh, the edges of our pain. I wish I could travel back to Kaminarimon or those back alleys of Golden ***. I'd throw wine glasses on the floor and scream 'I love you' when you could still hear it. And now you're distracted and there isn't the tiniest flicker of hope I'll find you looking my direction. Even with a flashing sign stabbed through my heart dedicating it to you. Even with other people whispering that I follow you around like a leaky shadow with my soul in a jar. Even though you could. You very well could. Your whole gaze must be filled up with red and green and just...her. Beautiful, wonderful, mesmerizing, world-changing her. Sometimes I've wondered if I could still taste you on her if I asked, if she didn't mind. And when I close my eyes, I can almost remember what you tasted like on me.

*Almost.