I used to keep a suicide note in my wallet in case I ever found a building with a view beautiful enough to be my last. It was a hastily written apology for never being who everyone thought I could be. It between the faded blue lines, gentle wishes kissed the page, hoping someday someone would see them and they would come true. The middle paragraph carved a hollow spot in my chest as I wrote it.
"My friends. I am sorry. I know you'll never really understand. I hope that you all can forgive me for meeting you in the first place. I love you and I'm sorry I can never truly express it, I know I have class but it feels okay that I can finally be free of them, and you can be free of me."
The words were smudged with bits of alcohol that had dripped from the bottles mouth when I pulled it from mine. God how I couldn't wait for it all to end.
Then, I met you. I wrote poem after poem hoping youd get the hint. You were my building, my end. Your eyes, the final sky id see, your smile, my last sunset.
I took one of the peoms from my drawer, the first line reads, "Her eyes, the forest. The greenest life that could ever grow."