The person looking back at me,
from my mirrors brutal gaze,
      Bears no clear resemblance
of my body or my face...
     I can't believe I look so old,
my hairs gray, and I'm fat...
     How come he's still here I ponder;
he never signed up for that...
     I look away disgusted,
with who I've grown to be,
     Now I have to be ashamed;
that ugly persons' me...
   I'm sorry when he looks my way,
that this is what he sees...
     No wonder he keeps his options open,
in case he ever leaves...
      I couldnt even blame him,
if he was unfaithful,
     a real friend would let him go;
expecting him to stay seems hateful...
     with a second glance,
into my evil looking glass...
      I see the pain I have endured,
and how lifes kicked my ***
      I reflect on how hard I've fought to be
someone that makes me proud
      I spent so much time hating myself
I wore hate like a shroud...
       With a deep inhale, and one last look,
in my mirrors direction.
I bravely lift my head to see,
at last my horrible reflection...
       I looked into my eyes  this time
and Thats where I saw the spark
       The light inside them is beckoning
  it illuminates the dark
      Turns out Inside I am not ugly.
theres beauty to be seen...
      Hopefully he sees past my flesh
and loves whats in between.

Heidi Shavill
2016