Jul 2016
So I did alot of thinking, mostly this morning. I thought about my feelings towards you and the past you need to move forward from.
I understand where you are, as I have been there once before, but I gave also been here before. Where I am waiting for a heart that may never come, all while letting my feelings grow deeper in wait.
I would like to think that this time would be different, but the similarities from the times we are together shunt my mind each time I take a moment to think about what we're doing. I have been here before, and last time trying what I'm trying broke me more than once over, you might think that my past is weighing on me right now, that I do this because I'm scared but maybe I'm not, but maybe I am and I'm okay with that, its okay I think to be afraid of repeating the same mistake, especially if the first ended you barely survived it.
I would like to think that this is me learning from a past mistake, and applying a lesson I learnt a short while ago.
I really wish I could wait for you, and still have you after the wait, but I don't think I will have all of you after this, in the way I'm willing to give all of me to you. I know myself pretty well and I know that I will never be satisfied with giving you only a part of me and/or only having a part of you.
I think the only thing that really matters now is the fact that you need time, time I cannot give you as long as I keep myself as open as I am to you right now. And because of this, I think we should be friends, the normal type. I will stop with my advances, I will stop holding you or touching you as I do, I will stop telling you I miss you and I will generally stop showing that I have feelings for you.
I'll treat you as a friend, the normal type i guess, the type I'm not falling for. I wish I could believe that losing this side our friendship will hurt you as much as it does me but, you don't belong to me as much as I belong to you.
The other stuff we spoke of we'll see later I guess, like the travelling and stuff, I wouldn't want to not be able to be your partner but the burden that comes with right now is far to heavy for me to bear. We'll see what we are when we have the time and resources to do those things but for now we'll probably both be busy with school stuff.
What I hope most is that, me saying all this and making this decision doesn't push you away if you were so close to giving yourself to me, but if that's the case I guess we all live with the decisions we make.
Whatever you do though I don't think you should go back to your past, I think you deserve more that what he did to you, I had hoped I'd have the opportunity to show you that.
I hope we can be friends though, and that this new distance I put between us wont turn us into full on strangers again, I've grown tired of that happening.
Anyways that's what I've been thinking, I might not have thought this yesterday and I might not think like this later today, but right now this is what I'm thinking and this is what I feel is right.
Your friend
CALM THOMAS
I understand where you are, as I have been there once before, but I gave also been here before. Where I am waiting for a heart that may never come, all while letting my feelings grow deeper in wait.
I would like to think that this time would be different, but the similarities from the times we are together shunt my mind each time I take a moment to think about what we're doing. I have been here before, and last time trying what I'm trying broke me more than once over, you might think that my past is weighing on me right now, that I do this because I'm scared but maybe I'm not, but maybe I am and I'm okay with that, its okay I think to be afraid of repeating the same mistake, especially if the first ended you barely survived it.
I would like to think that this is me learning from a past mistake, and applying a lesson I learnt a short while ago.
I really wish I could wait for you, and still have you after the wait, but I don't think I will have all of you after this, in the way I'm willing to give all of me to you. I know myself pretty well and I know that I will never be satisfied with giving you only a part of me and/or only having a part of you.
I think the only thing that really matters now is the fact that you need time, time I cannot give you as long as I keep myself as open as I am to you right now. And because of this, I think we should be friends, the normal type. I will stop with my advances, I will stop holding you or touching you as I do, I will stop telling you I miss you and I will generally stop showing that I have feelings for you.
I'll treat you as a friend, the normal type i guess, the type I'm not falling for. I wish I could believe that losing this side our friendship will hurt you as much as it does me but, you don't belong to me as much as I belong to you.
The other stuff we spoke of we'll see later I guess, like the travelling and stuff, I wouldn't want to not be able to be your partner but the burden that comes with right now is far to heavy for me to bear. We'll see what we are when we have the time and resources to do those things but for now we'll probably both be busy with school stuff.
What I hope most is that, me saying all this and making this decision doesn't push you away if you were so close to giving yourself to me, but if that's the case I guess we all live with the decisions we make.
Whatever you do though I don't think you should go back to your past, I think you deserve more that what he did to you, I had hoped I'd have the opportunity to show you that.
I hope we can be friends though, and that this new distance I put between us wont turn us into full on strangers again, I've grown tired of that happening.
Anyways that's what I've been thinking, I might not have thought this yesterday and I might not think like this later today, but right now this is what I'm thinking and this is what I feel is right.
Your friend
CALM THOMAS
