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Jul 2016
And I want you here now more than ever,
Because you would know what to say,
You would know where to go,
And you could take my hand and guide me there.
I feel so close to the bottom,
I'm scared to get there,
Because I've always been carried,
And now I'm all on my own.
And clearly I didn't handle this well,
Clearly I made a big mistake a ways back,
And I keep making more mistakes,
That made this little ball into a spool,
A spool of the winding errors,
Funneling into the pool,
That has became a display fair,
Consisting of everything I've done in life,
That I've regretted and wished I could change,
And somehow all of that led to the place I am now.
It's like a procession,
Like everything you would walk through,
Was in chronological order and somehow,
It made sense that it ended up here,
It wouldn't seem so illogical,
If it weren't for my dream being right here,
In my reach,
Right in front of me,
And gazing at me so intently,
I can't help but be in love and want it all the more.
But I've ****** everything up so bad,
It's hard to believe that what I want can still be had.
That's why every time I look at her,
My immediate thought is that,
This isn't real,
And there's some joke on me that I am not catching,
Some kind of trick pulled out of a hat,
That it's just a play,
For someone else's entertainment,
And that right when I decide to reach and grab it,
That's when the point of the story is clear,
That drop is when cup overflows,
Or when I walk into the crosshairs,
Or the final straw that broke my strength.
And I just can't do it.
I can't do this again.
When every single day,
The increment between the times I say,
"I want to be alive."
"I want to be dead."
Continues increasing, and not in the way it should,
Well I'm just too scared to take the chance.
But despite my fear,
She's just so beautiful,
And her allure is so mesmerizing,
I don't push myself to get closer,
But I don't stop myself either.
I just let myself keep going,
And hope for the best.
I don't want to get my hopes up,
Because I don't expect the best,
But it's hard to deny that in my heart,
I truly want this.
And I want you here now more than ever,
Because you were my home,
You were my safe house,
And no mattered how far I went,
I knew I could always come back,
And you would hold me warm in your arms,
And I could hear the beat of your heart,
Whispering to me that things are okay.
It's unsettling without you.
Everything seems so unfamiliar and estranged.
It doesn't feel like home.
All the nice things are only so for a moment,
They're more like slow acting poisons.
And I'm looking at this girl thinking,
Is she another venom to pulse through my veins,
Or is that really light in her eyes,
Pulling me out of the darkness of this abyss?
And I want you here now more than ever,
Not because I still cling to your lifeless fingertips,
But because this could be another chance at life,
And you would know what to do.
Víctor Manuel Serna
Written by
Víctor Manuel Serna  Tucson, AZ
(Tucson, AZ)   
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