17.
The age I started driving
Had platinum hair
I owned a 2004 red Jetta
Won an abundance of awards
And gave me everything to every bit of it all
And had so little awareness for the world outside
The deep southern walls.

Got off the phone
With the Beautiful Innovator
He's gotta couch surf, live the free rent life
Move out of his safe, creative space
His voice strong but wavering
In poetic facts
The trauma of the weekend combing
With the twists and turns of familial life or death
Money to pay rent, save a life
Fronting money, fronting money
He cupped and created opportunity
With his bare long ringed hands
I listen to him speak
And provide my constant ear
He said I'm sorry to lay all of this at your feet
Surprised by my patience
Others were overwhelmed and didn't know what to say
He said.

I close my eyes between moments
My chest becoming tight
Worrying and fearing for all my people
Signs up in the air, I watch their live steams
Screaming in the faces of police officers
We all feel so wrong
So many lost
How do we make it stop?

I didn't mean to say visibility wasn't important
But theres just gotta be another way my love.

17 people arrested
Since the moment I left the Illinois state
And at times I think on this big hunk of urban concrete
And see it for what it really is.

I don't know what to do my with privilege
Things change so quickly and on such a dime
Little brother shows me evidence
Those 17 must have been violent
A list from CNN of how cops were wounded
I mark my eyes out silently with x's
Tell Beautiful Innovator to be safe, to keep level headed
So many looking to you, brother love.

What has to change?
What can we do to change it?
The numbers ebb in waves like pixie sticks
****** down tubes by those far more innocent
Just wanna feel good, positive
I say I love you often now

Officers have pretty bad judgement
Officers have pretty bad judgement
Officers have pretty bad judgement
Shot down
Shot down
Shot down
I cannot watch the videos.

I should be editing my essay about baking
Book that gig
But all I can think about is you
And our loved ones
Out there with your braided hair and colorful shirts
My God, be safe.