Whenever I feel the world against me I hear your voice inside me I remember I felt stronger I felt defended
Whenever I could speak my mind How couldn't I realize that with you I could have finally been me I wish I had trust in that Freedom to be I wish I had known this was real and you were no enemy I wish I had known we could have found ways to share our solitude without choking each other's space without having to be someone else without needing anybody else
It's not merely the possible endless questionning That I loved with you But the hope to find the answers somehow together as a real team You'd gotten my back as I'd gotten yours We would have been able to get all the pleasure in our mind only to dive in each question not just for the answer but to be in this together
We wanted the same I said many times it was not enough You were more than enough Any of other girls would have married you if they had read my amazing list of the best of you sure if if they had been able to bear with the worse of you
We would have been able to see deeper disagreeing with peace mostly for the better Loving not in spite our differences but because of them Knowing we were only at the threshold of this quest knowing that the Guardian at the Gate might have been reversed for a sign for a pause But the door was just there Maybe blocked maybe locked
I miss the simple things When I did not have to think I miss being able to make you happy so easily I miss seeing that special smile And I never admitted that you were right I couldn't help but twisting things This is how I am These are all my doubts These are all my fears tangling around me I lied so many times My fear of Bliss is real I always comfort myself in aloness I always thought having equating not wanting anymore I feared of what was next When you got the key to your quest I just could not live I just could not live me and my fears of dying
I miss breathing in your neck breathing under your shirt where I loved to hide myself I can't describe how much I miss your scent
If I poured it out it won't bother me I've got nothing to lose For we is already lost You've already done your best for me and you given me your worst
But maybe you were just a soulmate we weaved silver threads to our spirits You brought me all this learning You made me feel beyond the yearning I mean now I could live without this need for loving
I could live loveless if you could just hug the friend in me for eternity
I used to always been in such a state of emergency With you it was always a question of life and death I always chose death as a coward I thought I would never have borne your rejection God it's insane I am the queen of Drama and the wise Healer God it's insane I know so many things but never was a keeper I tried way too much to make you hate me Oh God it was so easier much easier
Maybe all I needed was time that you freely granted me As you let me go And sometimes I wished to be missed And sometimes I wished to be healed
Maybe this was the most absurd we could have lived God we did not live a thing With all this love we did not live a thing There is no right answers to all of this I should have let enter freedom and faith I should have let enter acceptance I only miss talking to you this was precious And I made a mess of this bond Your words your distance can still hurt me But I only trust that you'd never play me You would just tell me stop writing to me Let the Past die and go , live