I was wondering how old my blood was
I haven’t bled in a long time
At least not on the outside
Maybe I should set some of it free
Free to find a different body to love

But I’m the nearest patient to the cure
It’s hard to give up your life for another
That’s exactly what we ask them to do
And they cry and can never explain
There is no perception to convince
No reality to ignore
They know

I could never be a tool for God
My dreams are not to bend your will
I will not control you
It is your choice

I could never be an example for God
My dreams are not to bend my will
I cannot stop sinning
That is my choice

I don’t know if I’m supposed to be a hammer
Or a wrench
Should I put something inside of you
Or remove the pain you came home with

I could age ten years in two months
I could reject the new world
Let all my gray hair grow
Let the sun wrinkle my face
And become angry at feet on my lawn

But I want to be wiser than that
Without trying to be

The memory of a child may not be the truth
The lack of understanding creates dreams
Dreams that become reality
Reality that becomes who you are
Even if you mother says it never happened

I thought about carrying a book with me
It would full of subversive quotes
World weary conclusions
Nothing about money
But instead I carry it in my head
I know all these things
It’s hard to live past it like watching mile markers
We record them in our head
But after a while all we see are green rectangles

I wanted to walk up to a woman
A stranger
Tell her she’s the one
Kiss her
And watch the look on her face

It could never happen
The days of bravery are over
Now we must fear one another
Fear feelings
Fear the past
Fear the culture
Fear their space

So I wait
Wait to give you  my blood
But I’m not a hammer
Or a wrench
It is to be given freely
To take nothing away
So we can share the things together
But not to be afraid
To believe in something
Naïve
Idealistic
Free