I can't ******* sleep and it's all because of you.

I can't even shut my eyes without seeing your face. I feel as if I'm trapped in my own head, clawing at the inside of my skull until I wear my fingers down to the bone.  Why can't it ever be simple? Why can't it ever be easy? Why is it that every time I think I've stepped away from you, you sing a silent sirens song sending me sliding slowly down a slippery *****, serenading my cerebellum and sealing my soul in my chest.

I don't get it.

Why can't you just tell me you hate me.

It doesn't matter, look at me. Sitting here clutching onto you. Laying on my bathroom floor. I thought about replacing you with her. That's right I said it.

I want to replace you.

But she doesn't even realize.

So here we sit, again, me and you. A long night awake in the bathroom, with you sliding down my throat. You taste bitter with just the water I have to push you down. I've gotten to the point where I have to have you to sleep. Imagine that. Yet, when there's a body beside me, I no longer need you inside me. I can rest without you coursing though my veins.

Ive pretty much just excepted that you won't be replaced with her, or anyone, until I love myself more than you. God what a task. Loving myself.  Doesn't matter. Eventually someone will help me sleep.

But I guess it's just you and me.