ten years ago we were nothing like this.
not choking on our words in front of each other.
we used to be so clean but i lost that part of me
when i kissed that boy i didn't even like because
i wanted it so desperately to be you.

i want to turn myself inside out and show you everything i feel
in my heart,
in my ******* lovesick soul
because it's tearing me to pieces.
and it's so hard because i have no idea what you want
and i want so badly for you to want me but
i know it's never been like that
for you ive always just been your best friend.

but best friends don't want to run away with their hands
intertwined and their mouths feasting
off each other until breath becomes scarce.

god, i ******* hate myself.
i wish you knew this
without me having to tell you because
there's no words,
there's never going to be anything to tell you
that what i feel for you is more than
'i love you'

m - ( i'll choke on your bones when we lie side by side six feet under )