Sat on the pew as a boy My hand brushed the formica underneath Holding the hymn book like it was a toy I bit it with my small stubbly teeth Mother tapped me forcefully on the shoulder And I shirked at her disapproving frown It's only now as I become a lot older That I realise I was behaving like a clown The priest in all his glory spoke high from the holy table And I yawned as my father gave me a look Whispering to my mother βthe boys unstableβ His bony fingers took away the heavy book The old lady started playing the tune So we all stood to sing a hymn Hoping the droning would finish soon I thought should I sing but the chances were slim The old lady with a wrinkly grin Waved the collection tin in my face Mother passed some coins that I dropped in And then we left the cold hallowed place