The stories never end
They're all about him
He's never at a loss, always a win

Anything you mention, his done or been
Even the best at sports, his thrown that old pigskin
He's stories always told with that lopsided stupid grin

You can't help but listen, he's as loud as can be
He's as loud as the banshee
That lives down by the sea

He'll tell his stories in different versions of threes
I'd say he trying to confuse me
But he's to stupid for that, you'll have to agree

He's never worked a day in his life, but he'll talk shop
I want to take him to my old playground, in the tallest treetop
Or out in the middle of the grown corn crop

He talks nonstop
Till you want to drop
Makes you want to give his throat a karate chop

He thinks he keeps you on the edge of your seat
But you really can't wait to jump to your feet
The most amazing man you'll never want to meet