backwards breaking
belligerent bleeding
no success
in the wanting
no independence
in the needing
counterproductive concepts
crumbling creativity
no more
knowing
no more
clinging
no more
ringing
subtle silences
scorching screams

it's not a holiday
but we're drinking
smoking *******
threatening our hearts
with ideas of "again"
of "tomorrows"

the best time to dream is
from 7:30am to 8:15am
those are the dreams
you wake up with
the dreams that feel so real
that life is more dreamlike
so fantasies stay and play
no fear left in your heart
no longer needing to be wrapped in another
the only love is created from within
not from each other's

so let the mountains surround
and the music drowned
no drinking tonight
NO drinking tonight
don't bring it or leave it
I wake up at night
chug water
heavy breathing

I miss his kiss, back, tongue, hips
so, no drinking tonight, I want to
let go, not sink in.

rising up
as I'm
growing up
****
waking up
middle of the night
still drunk
throwing up
****
no drinking tonight

shedding layers in the light
I'll glow off the snow tonight