I am at my wit's end
I just want to shut down and hide from the entire world
I can't continue ******* people off
I can't keep talking about my problems
to sort out emotions as I feel them
I can't keep reaching out to people
who have their lives on track
It's not fair for me to cause stress for other people
I can't even describe how I feel anymore
It's more than depression
It's worse than anxiety
It's something unknown
It isolates me
It confuses the **** out of me
It causes me to feel out of my skin
to the point I want to rip myself apart
I don't want to discuss it
I don't want to see a doctor for it
I just want it to go away
The possibility of me being dead by thirty does not surprise me
I am starting to understand the peace those suicide "experts" talk about
The peace
when you make the choice to die
how all of your emotional turmoil just disappears
Maybe I am becoming suicidal again
I don't know
I am so through with thinking
I don't want to die
but I can't keep living a life full of dead ends