It's a normal day and I am on my way to class.
I reach my destination but I stand very still, remembering the incident from the day before.
The door, it opens for me.
Rather, my teacher opens it for me.
He looked at me with his knowing eyes and asked,
"are you going to come in?"
I could not speak,
my throat cemented shut with guilt and shame and fear.
I look at the door,
then him,
the door,
him,
door,
him.
Then, I look at nothing.
The cement cracks and bursts as the loudest sound I have ever heard rips out of me.
A scream, no, a whistle?
It is a scream, a three second scream.
But it is not the last.
A thousand screams fill the air.
By the fifteenth scream, I can no longer hear.
Just feel them come out of me like a hundred bees,
stinging on their way out.
My mouth is stretched out so wide,
the corners bleeding
and I can feel the streams of blood run down my neck
which is bent so  far back.
And I know they won't stop soon.
Because these are all of the screams that I've held in.
For nine years
of some voices
some hallucinations
and a lot of intrusive thoughts.
When I can see again it is nighttime,
my throat and mouth and ears ******.
There is my mom, and a strange face beside me.
They lead me to a truck,
my mom is crying and hugging and kissing me.
Handing the stranger some of my clothes.
I get in the truck,
and hope for the best.