Badger: (Sniffs and snorts) You, you Sir are on my road. Listen, you I am speaking to you. Who are you? Why is it that you lay on my road? This is my road and you do not belong here. Wake up Sir, or I shall become indignant. What right have you here on my road? I do not take lightly to strangers appearing on my road, in the middle of a night as such. You see, only the stars are out tonight to guide my way. You Sir are an obstacle of alarming disproportion and you indeed do not smell well. In fact I would say, you stink. So if you would kindly remove yourself from these premises, I will not be forced to reckon with you further. (Snort, sniff) Sir, Sir?!

Man: (Waking) Huh? Wha-wha-wha-what? (Shriek, shiver) Uhh!

Badger: Oh for the goodness of ground squirrels. Now this is indeed no such behavior in which I shall tolerate. Take your stinking self off my road before I snarl, and snap upon your nose, a reminder you should never forget.

Man: Oooh. Ahh. I am sorry Mr. Badger, Sir. Please forgive me as I am not well and must have suffered a spell here on your road. I insist Sir, I am not a drunkard or here to cause you harm. It’s just that at times I lose equilibrium, as my brain and nerve endings are not in harmony. I am so sorry to have made such a spectacle of myself, here on your road. If you give me a moment to compose myself, I shall be on my way.

Badger: Oh, I see. Well, this is some fine mess. I do suppose you will need some assistance. Take cover there, over by that tree across the road there, on the other side. I will divert the attention of the bear and mountain lion, as they shall be following up shortly. Now scurry on, or waddle or whatever it is you do.

Man: Thank you kind Sir. Mr. Badger Sir (Shuffles across street.)

Badger: Oh bother, no need for sniveling. Move along.

(Later at dawn, man wakes to lawn sprinkler hosing him down, and an odd recollection.)