I have vivid dreams of you, wrapped around me. One moment you're there, the next; gone. Last night, I dreamt of you again. Like I do most nights. And I talked to you and it was so sweet hearing the honey pour from your lips and so relieving to see a smile again. For though I thought loneliness would be the answer to keep you safe and sound and to protect myself... This is not the truth; it has only made my journey more difficult especially now that I can only speak to you in dreams. Only in dreams can I share with you my secrets, my desires, my hopes, my fears. For of all the people I've met in this lifetime... You were the only one who has understood me the most.
Maybe I'll be stuck in this purgatory forever Looking for you in every woman I meet Maybe I'll only be able to ever speak to you in my dreams Looking forward to those nights where I can feel free once again.
I talked to my mentor; told her what I did to you blamed myself blamed everything I did wrong my stupidity my insecurity and all she could offer was that I shouldn't have burned my bridge
and I sit back and look at it still smoldering just like those glances you gave me at the airport. Filled with pain, anxiety betrayal. How dare you.
How dare I indeed... to take such purity of heart and give it away hoping it would help but only destroying what was most precious to me. How dare I.
How dare I take your trust and burn it. Never trying to hurt intentionally but always slicing so deep...and deeper...and deeper. Until three times was the charm and you only meet me at night in my vivid dreams where we can speak with no pain no sadness no concept of betrayal just us just us just us just me. only me awake wanting to be in... in my vivid dreams...