there's a time and a place for thoughts
this isn't.
im figuring it out, disregarding the things that hinder me
this may be a dream,
and you'll never understand my fears
but guilt is terrifying (it all is)

im pushing the negative out of my head
(trying)
and filling it with flowers that bloom into heart palpitations and shaky breathes

i know this doesn't rhyme, i know you hate it
and won't you just admit it?
that YOU DONT CARE?!
because you don't
and neither do i

i hope you never leave me hanging
i hope my relatives never expect me to call back
i won't

im not scared when im with you though,
but im not in love
because God knows im scared shitless of that

you don't get why im scared of my thoughts
falling into the wrong hands
im scared of getting old
but yet excited to get there
its exhausting

im not as soft as you think i am
im hard and loud and frankly
im terrified
im always either too much
or not enough

and this sounds bitter.
which says a lot doesn't it?
shouldn't it?
im working on it, ok?
im losing my mind over this.