Every night at 8:49 I tie the rope a little bit tighter in hope that your last breath squeezes closer so when I say ‘Ladies and gentlemen’ my charm overrides the sound of your palms banging on the glass as you challenge the water from making you its cadaver and choke back the salted tears that seep from your eyes like the malice that seeps from mine reviewers say it’s clear that I enjoy this trick the most but it’s hard not to when I know your lungs are the consequence of a dripping tap until the basin’s full and you reach your final centilitre of conscious breath at 8:56:02. With one last tug you escape by :03 unfortunately but the papers will say it was your ‘most truthful performance yet’ 5 Stars to The Water Torture Bell Jar.
See, there’s a reason these seats fill as fast as your tank, Irving and Houdini had it figured first: if you push a body to its limits and watch it yoyo to the edge of death and back again night after night you will always sell out.
There’s more to being a Magician’s Assistant than meets the eye. Perhaps tomorrow I’ll try a new knot.