i was ready
i was smiling
i was happy
even excited.
this darkness,
and change of the clock,
changes me.
i feel as though i am too tired,
too dumb,
too full of hate
to continue in all of this.
of course,
it's the night he isn't here.
"more sleep"
he says, laughing
"not gonna happen"
i reply
he is not here tonight
he's never really here
but our here is enough.
please be here