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Mar 2016
Sounds are so LOUD
Lights are so BRIGHT

All because of you
You've scared me
Beyond belief

I'm so stressed out
I can't seem to think straight
I have a headache now
Because of you

Do you know how miserable
Stress headaches are
They hurt the base of your skull
And a little of your neck

You don't like to move
Nor do you like to think
But sometimes life
Calls for you to do it anyways

I have assignments
And commitments
Things that matter to me
But you wouldn't know that
Because you never loved me

All I was
Was a toy to use
For whatever you choose
But now you see
Now that I'm free
I have people who actually care for me

So all you've done
In the 4 years I've known you
Is caused me pain
In so many ways

You say you didn't mean it
And I said I didn't care
But in reality
We ended up both being liars

I really did care
That you used me everyday
You really did mean it
You meant every hurtful thing you said

I try to remember
A good memory of us
So I don't forever see you as a monster

But in actuality
The true reality
Is that we never had a good memory

It's all tainted
In one way or another

The thought of you now
And the thought of us then
Make me want to hurl

I said you meant the world to me
That I'd go to the moon and back
And for the longest time
I meant it
And I thought you felt the same

But I guess not

Because here I am
Afraid of you
With my eyes opened wide
To see the true monster you hide

I saw that video
You posted for the world
And anyone who saw
You and me
Would see the stab
You made at me

It wasn't hateful
Just painful to see
That you think
I gave you the best memories

At first it was true
For me as well
But I can't say that now

It's hard to see
What you did to me
And see myself
As human

My skin crawls
Because of you
And all the things
You made me do

All my friends know
The sick, sick games
They say it wasn't me
But it was you

Instinct tells me
Own up to your mistake
So I always remind them
I had that choice to make

Sometimes I wish
I could escape this Hell
For you have set a trap
And ensnared me

My heart has barbed wire
Wrapped around and around
Everything having to do with you
Makes it tighter and tighter

Was this your desire
To bring me pain
To bring me sorrow

Was this your plan
To make me like you
A wolf in sheep's clothing
A monster in disguise

Because I don't want to be like you
I don't want this done
To anyone

So you may hurt me
Every day until I die
But you can't hurt my friends
My family
My love
Written by
Phoenix  23/Agender/United States
(23/Agender/United States)   
   Cecilia Jones
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