If you don't get that first **** out of your *** and mess up the good routine you've got going then you're headed for trouble:
wake up. scratch *****. feel *****. feel ****. smack stomach(listen for the sound of new fat deposits) burp. wheez. get up. go to bathroom. look in mirror. hate self for not exercising. brush teeth. begin formulating exercise plan. ****. feel 10 pounds lighter and label self idiot for talking about diet in the first place.
If the **** is not taken between brushing your teeth and breakfast, your whole morning is ******.
This is how it goes without the ****. First: you forget to put on enough deodorant. no biggie. but you sweat a lot. that extra cake-clod of speedstick actually does help.
Second: on the way out the door you forget your ipad. no biggie. except it had those quarterly numbers for your sector's growth on it.
Colon gurgles as you jingle the keys down the stairs.
Third: You forget your wallet on the counter in the kitchen.
Your ipad's still on the bedside table.
You run back up the stairs, grab the wallet, give your apartment the quick once-over, steadying on that $300 couch you bought in college thinking you have everything.
Now you're going to be five minutes late.
Should've taken the ****, but you don't realize that now.
Fourth: You get to work five minutes late. Everyone's in the meeting room already, nobody says anything but mustache-face aka El Jefe gives you the look.
El Jefe asks for your quarterly numbers as soon as you settle into your seat.
"Was there any sizable growth, do you think there are areas we could devote more time and energy too, in favor of others?"
You don't have your ipad in your computer bag with all those numbers on it.
People have been getting laid off lately. "It's just the economy."
But really "it's who doesn't **** up."
This is how your morning got ****** up:
Usually when you take your ****, you go back to sink in front of the mirror to wash your hands.
After hands are washed and dried, you go under the sink and pull out the speedstick.
You put on a healthy dose.
Not only because you sweat a lot, but because you think the ****-smell will follow you like a pervert.
After the speedstick, you usually go into the bedroom, because while in the mirror; staring at the excess fat; thinking about how good you look, lighter; the thought pops in your head, "don't forget the ipad."
You don't know where it comes from, but it comes.
Since you take the ipad to work everyday you count on having this thought everyday.
You look on the bedside table and there it is.
Quiet, black and glassy on its surface. So placid like a lake contained within the reaches of a pool.