I hit green leaves from a one hitter
In my little black **** dress, braless
You'll never know
Or really even fathom
How much it hurt me
That you turned out to be exactly
Exactly
What you mouthed
Your lips and your little crooked unpolished teeth
Muttered you
Were not.

I listen to humming and swelling sounds
I played it on my pink ipod
As my dark handsome then boyfriend
High school sweetheart
We marched down the stairs of the elitist white school
Yellow JCrew sweater, I thought I thought
I run and I run, I'm gonna chase my dreams.

But that boy
Just like all the others
That revolved and swung right through the doors
Of my heart, my life
They appear and edited just like
Just like
Spliced together like a horror movie scene
One by one I watched and let them go.

I add you to that list.

One of the hottest men
I've laid eyes on in a very, very long time
Finished up on a film set
I imagine his strong arms lifting and balancing
Like you tried to do
But stay, stay away from me
Please.

He asks me my address
I placed the witchy crystal ball and film emoji next to his name
I was warned, too
That he is a player
But my best friend exclaims
"So what! So are you!"

And in high sometimes prolific
Or ordinary moments I think and sing
I don't know what I want.

And I don't.
Not right now.
But I know
I don't want you
And the shambles you bring
And brought out in me.

So I hit my ****
Familiar faces grown with joy and life
Encountered me tonight
One of the women said:
"You had this strong iron core. And brought it into the room. Such a presence. Energy."
All my teachers beat me the **** up in art school
But just because they knew I could take it.

Wine. "Lets get high"
I don't even know what to call this one.
How ****.
Lets do.
I gotta be up around 7am
And I want you so badly
We could be just like
The moon and night.