Feb 2016
I don't know if I bother you at all. Like on a regular day, do I sometimes pop out in your head? Or a post or quote and instantly, you are reminded of me? Do our memories together and your memories of me bother you at night or even bother you at all?
I know that for me this is a fact. That you bother me. My thoughts still lead to you. I think I know why but I don't want to assume, I think it's because maybe I'm not really over you.
That what I did feel for you was and is still true, that you were the dream come true yet you were the sugar coated worst nightmare to ever exist.
I don't know if I bother you like you bother me, I don't even know if what you've said you felt for me was even true at all.
You see and you know I've always had trust issues because of people leaving and I try not to care when they leave me. But you, when you left... I felt like crashing down and it was like a pang of reality that people do still leave me and I do still care and that I do still break. I don't know if my thoughts are just lingering memories of the imaginary us and the what ifs in my mind and the unfulfilled plans and desires for the supposedly love story of us.
You don't know how much I broke down when you chose to stop loving me, you don't know how angry I felt towards myself because yet again I was not enough and still was just an option and the least option that you'd ever pick, you don't know how much I wanted to beg you to stay but what's the point of you staying with me if you've already chosen another and you're unsatisfied with me?, you don't know how I have deeply loved you even though we only had the shortest "becoming to be" love story, you don't know that I still care for you deeply and silently hope you'd come back for me, you don't know how much I want you to regret leaving me but I am not cruel enough to make you suffer the way you made me suffer...
You don't know how much your memories have poisoned my mind, heart and soul.
I always want you to be happy, even though you're not with me. I know you'd suffer when you'll stay with me longer so it was really better for you to leave... but, you still don't know that I am both selfish and selfless for you.
You don't know at all.
It was truly over before it even started.
I know that for me this is a fact. That you bother me. My thoughts still lead to you. I think I know why but I don't want to assume, I think it's because maybe I'm not really over you.
That what I did feel for you was and is still true, that you were the dream come true yet you were the sugar coated worst nightmare to ever exist.
I don't know if I bother you like you bother me, I don't even know if what you've said you felt for me was even true at all.
You see and you know I've always had trust issues because of people leaving and I try not to care when they leave me. But you, when you left... I felt like crashing down and it was like a pang of reality that people do still leave me and I do still care and that I do still break. I don't know if my thoughts are just lingering memories of the imaginary us and the what ifs in my mind and the unfulfilled plans and desires for the supposedly love story of us.
You don't know how much I broke down when you chose to stop loving me, you don't know how angry I felt towards myself because yet again I was not enough and still was just an option and the least option that you'd ever pick, you don't know how much I wanted to beg you to stay but what's the point of you staying with me if you've already chosen another and you're unsatisfied with me?, you don't know how I have deeply loved you even though we only had the shortest "becoming to be" love story, you don't know that I still care for you deeply and silently hope you'd come back for me, you don't know how much I want you to regret leaving me but I am not cruel enough to make you suffer the way you made me suffer...
You don't know how much your memories have poisoned my mind, heart and soul.
I always want you to be happy, even though you're not with me. I know you'd suffer when you'll stay with me longer so it was really better for you to leave... but, you still don't know that I am both selfish and selfless for you.
You don't know at all.
It was truly over before it even started.
When you get fixed and they still throw you away, like most toys.
