We scatter black earth on the cardboard box
As we say goodbye to our dear cat Nel
Killed by a fox
Missing for days
Then discovered, tail-less, mauled
Stiff, barely recognisable

I spend the morning, cleaning her
Trying to hide her pink tongue
Trapped between jaws that won’t open

I wrap her in silk and wash her head
And try to close her eyelids

At last, she is ready

My daughter comes outside
Together we lift her
Into the decorated cardboard box
Lined with a favourite sheepskin rug
Filled with cat treats, a rubber band to play with
Some string and a little bottle of water

For a moment, the sun shines
And seems to warm her narrowed face
It is as if she is only sleeping
And we stand and watch her
Tears moistening our cheeks
In the crisp February air

My daughter’s knees buckle with grief
As we close the lid of the box
And I place it in the trench I have dug
Beneath the trampoline

My daughter scatters the first handful of earth
And places a daffodil

There she will lie
Quietly, wrapped up in her box
As we all come to terms
With loss

She was the gentlest of cats
A dear friend in our family
Taken by a brutal blow of fate

We loved her very much
Our dear cat Nel