Feb 2016
The train from London to little Ashbury
stopped at the same signal every day.
I always got in the last carriage
it gave me a few extra minutes
to drink the three cans
of Gin and tonic I had in my purse..
The only other passenger
was a young man
Who was blind
so he could not see me drinking.
We seldom spoke other than
nice day or good morning.
I was feeling guilty because I was
I was thinking how convenient
it was he could not see me drinking.
And now after the divorce two years ago
I had gained weight and looked awful.
I was glad he couldn’t see me anyway.
Not like this.
I had not eaten all day just
Wandered about the city
Drank in Hyde Park by the serpentine
and meandered through the bookstores.
I had lost my job six months previously
after coming back late and drunk
from a three hour lunch.
But I still kept going to the city
on the same train every day.
As though it would like
I was still useful for something
other than drinking.
I was tipsy I know it
I fell from the train at the station
and cut my knee.
The Blind man found my arm
he lifted me up
and said Are you all right?
I lied and said yes I will be fine.
But he insisted on getting me a cab
and taking me home.
I let him in my small flat and he bandaged
my knee and sat with me.
He chatted about everything
he was really interesting.
He was blinded as a child
looking at the eclipse.
through binoculars.
He was so sweet and gentle.
He softly asked me why I drank so much.
I glowed red how did you know I asked.?
He said he could hear and smell the *****.
I told him everything
the divorce my drinking my job.
He held me as I sobbed on his shoulder.
You are too beautiful to be so sad he said.
How can you tell what I look like I sobbed.
I can feel your beauty inside you
Its stunning he said.
He stayed with me overnight.
I did not drink.
And the next morning
I felt clear and sober
For the first time in forever.
He fixed breakfast.
He came back the next night
and I let him in.
A year later
I have not drank in a year
I feel it would be
cheating on my husband.
we got married a month ago
I lost 35 pounds
and I look like I used to.
The weight will be coming back though
Our new baby is due in seven months
and her Daddy needs me clean and sober
to describe her every passing achievement.
I love him so much
he says I am his eyes
I say he is my heart.
stopped at the same signal every day.
I always got in the last carriage
it gave me a few extra minutes
to drink the three cans
of Gin and tonic I had in my purse..
The only other passenger
was a young man
Who was blind
so he could not see me drinking.
We seldom spoke other than
nice day or good morning.
I was feeling guilty because I was
I was thinking how convenient
it was he could not see me drinking.
And now after the divorce two years ago
I had gained weight and looked awful.
I was glad he couldn’t see me anyway.
Not like this.
I had not eaten all day just
Wandered about the city
Drank in Hyde Park by the serpentine
and meandered through the bookstores.
I had lost my job six months previously
after coming back late and drunk
from a three hour lunch.
But I still kept going to the city
on the same train every day.
As though it would like
I was still useful for something
other than drinking.
I was tipsy I know it
I fell from the train at the station
and cut my knee.
The Blind man found my arm
he lifted me up
and said Are you all right?
I lied and said yes I will be fine.
But he insisted on getting me a cab
and taking me home.
I let him in my small flat and he bandaged
my knee and sat with me.
He chatted about everything
he was really interesting.
He was blinded as a child
looking at the eclipse.
through binoculars.
He was so sweet and gentle.
He softly asked me why I drank so much.
I glowed red how did you know I asked.?
He said he could hear and smell the *****.
I told him everything
the divorce my drinking my job.
He held me as I sobbed on his shoulder.
You are too beautiful to be so sad he said.
How can you tell what I look like I sobbed.
I can feel your beauty inside you
Its stunning he said.
He stayed with me overnight.
I did not drink.
And the next morning
I felt clear and sober
For the first time in forever.
He fixed breakfast.
He came back the next night
and I let him in.
A year later
I have not drank in a year
I feel it would be
cheating on my husband.
we got married a month ago
I lost 35 pounds
and I look like I used to.
The weight will be coming back though
Our new baby is due in seven months
and her Daddy needs me clean and sober
to describe her every passing achievement.
I love him so much
he says I am his eyes
I say he is my heart.
