every day is a vigil
on being who i am not,
on existing where i don't
feel like i belong and
every word is a struggle
to get the hell out of
dodge, each line is a
fight.

a monster, they said, is
someone who burns their
ashes on your face and
spits to but them out-
a monster, i said, is
someone who lets you
down.

a monster, i said, is
someone like you and i.

you asked if i trusted
you and my response was
a lie, i can't even trust
myself- you asked me if
i loved you and my response
was a lie- of course i do.

for the first time in a long
time my exhilaration with life
is rekindled, my breaths come
easy again and i will not shut
myself out- for long-

for the first time in all of
time i catch your smile more
than just by chance...

they told me not to pick the
flowers so often if i loved
them, but that's a rule i'll
have to break--

i hope that doesn't stop them
from growing