you look me in the eyes and you tell me i don't know what i'm doing but i fire back with a tongue that can lash every single wound you thought was healed open that no, you don't know what you're doing

sure, i may look at you the way the sun stretches across this city and clings onto every ray of grass it can find, and your body imprint in my bed and my memory is perhaps always going to be there, but that does not mean i cannot fall out of love with you

to the boy who will break my heart undoubtedly, know that i will try to break yours first, even though i will ultimately probably fail

know that i will try to kiss every other stranger i can find in attempts to wash out the taste of your perfect lips from mine, know that i will drink to the bottom of every glass they hand me to try to erase the feeling of skin on skin, the feeling of sweat combining and combusting into a deep, fiery love

i won't lie when i tell you that every glass of wine we drank together was an attempt for me to separate myself but you go one step back and i step two steps forward; maybe i will always be the girl that was stuck inside of your head for the early days of december when my looks and my om attracted something in you that not even your relationship status could ignore, maybe something inside of me convinced you that i was different

but, dear boy, know that you - you are not a man, and you still have a long way to go to reach that illustrious status you so badly want to claim

know that when you grab parts of my body i never knew existed, know that when you let me build a home inside of your eyes and your hands, know that when you kiss me innocently or not, that you would never do this if you were a man, because men

well, they wouldn't let me watch them break my own heart