Prisoner of my upbringing

I remember so long ago now
Being a baby girl and learning.
Every day learning new things.
Life was like a big notebook
ready to filled in like a journal.

At age six
my older  sister
was in front of the bathroom mirror
She pinched her tummy and scowled.
We skipped breakfast
and went to school hungry.

At  age 9
I was on the school bus
Boys were laughing at a nerdy girl
with thick glasses reading schoolbooks.
When I got home I hid all my books.

At Age 13
I went into the girl’s washroom
The mirrors were all taken
by girls in my class putting on makeup.
And talking how boys only liked girls
who looked older and ****.
The next day I unfastened my braids
put on dark red lipstick
and black eye shadow.
Wearing short shorts and a low tank top.

At age 15
I saw my father drunk and angry
He hit my mother, mom wept and said he
didn’t mean it.
he was under a lot of  pressure at work.
The next year I said my boyfriend
didn’t mean it either.
when he hit me.

At Age 20
I looked into the full length mirror
My gaunt starved body looked back at me.
The dead looking lanky blonde hair
and translucent skin looked death like.
The black eye shadow on my eyes
looked like a corpse
The dark red lips seemed out of character.
I shrugged my bony shoulders
And said
Well at least I am normal.