The first time was tedious.
I counted 55 tiles on the ceiling to the rhythm
of frantic pumping of teenage desperation.
This promptly ended in a high five and
now my friends won't make fun of me for being a ****** anymore.
Thanks

The second time was filled with
I don't want to have *** today
and always ended in a blur
of make shift *******
and wanting to be far away on the other side
of the newly christened couch.

The third time made me cry
I had never let anyone take me from behind
So when the first thing you asked me to do was lay on my stomach
I felt the need to please someone who I had never met
and to be the girl that you needed.
So I faced the mattress and immediately felt your hand
push my cheek into the pillow case.
This was the only time you were able to finish.

The fourth time I felt wanted.
The next day I felt isolated.
I still think about you and you still don't make eye contact

I needed the fifth time to be good.
I needed to feel better
I needed you to be a good person.
I should've know no one ever ***** me to give me what I need
Its always selfish.