As I go through all my past poems I realize my heart never listened to my mind and it never will

Everything written about him is littered with the signs of emotional abuse yet I can never escape 

Breaks my heart and tells me he doesn’t love me yet I still hold him and wipe his tears as he cries

Each tear dripping down his face reminded me of each girl he talked to

I wanted to be appalled by his touch, his eyes, the overgrown scruff on his chin

But I wasn’t 

Begged him to hold me, begged him to stop the ******* car, Screaming fits that shook the Window
s
Begged him to kiss me and hold me on his lap

I wondered if I was always looking into the eyes of a sociopath, if I lied to myself about it the entire time

A year and a half

A year and half wasted built on lies screamed right at my face

I just want to be loved 

Yet I walked right into the hands of a man that wasn’t capable of ever loving anyone or anything

I gave him everything in me, every single inch of myself

Stayed in shape, lost friends, isolated myself, did whatever he asked me to whenever for fear of him getting angry 

I wasn’t enough 

The worthlessness I feel drips from my eyes and mouth, a constant feeling of Nausea stuck in the back of my throat 

Now I’ve got a reason to despise the holidays just like my father does

Couldn’t have asked for a better present 

Merry Christmas to me