A week ago, I noticed
a cramp in my neck
veins aching,
old bones cracking because -- I don’t know how to use them anymore

I only hold myself like this now.
In a position with a one-track mind
where I only look at my feet.

A part of me.

A month ago,
I noticed a cramp in my thumbs.
The veins in my wrist at a stand still -- no blood
because I don't need blood for my thumbs to type.
But soon…
my veins, my bodies connections aren’t helping
and I can no longer move my thumbs.

Disconnected
Wireless
Obsessed with me & my own person

I can’t make eye contact.

all I see of my friends anymore are words and emojis --

There is no depth.

All I see
Is the tile beneath my feet where my roots cannot grow
wi-fi…
is a broken system

Last night I walked into a cafe where love is blind and so am I

And whether or not is a newspaper or laptop
I won’t talk
because I am scared to ask
the article he is reading,
the essay she is writing, or the game they are playing.

If I do talk, I will look at their
Ears
Nose
Mouth
Hair
Forehead wrinkles
Or the space between their eyes because
I am afraid.

My name is Robert Nelson.
I’ve been married for fifty years
and I do not know the color of my wife’s eyes

My name is Jill Lennord & I cannot see the greens,
blues, or browns hidden in my husband’s face
and I have not known them since the cafe.

I can’t read a compass.
I tried turning it, but I only found an x.

X

The dependent variable.

ME

Dependent.

dependent on a broken connection, a broken system separating tables & people in cafe,
Dependent

searching for a Y variable.
but that requires that I look there
or there
or there
and I can’t do that I can’t find why I can’t
I can’t find my independence.
I don’t know why.
I can’t find my Y
All I have is my safe spot.
My feet,
My roots,
Me.
My obsession with me.
I’m obsessed with a disconnect and
EYE don't know why…

I can’t just look up.