When I was 5 I believed love was what my parents shared. Being in love was fighting but never leaving one another. I believed love was real. Love was when a prince rescued a princess. I couldn't wait until I got old enough to have a nice boy fall in love with me and we get married and be together forever and live our happily ever after.

When I was 11 I believed love was risky. I saw my friends cry over boys in the bathroom in middle school. I could never relate because no boys liked me and I didn't have a boyfriend. I believed love was real and that perhaps someday in high school I would meet a boy and fall in love and get married and live a happy life.

When I was 14 I believed love was him. I believed love was real and I believed love was waking up every morning for school excited to see him and going to bed every night feeling content. I believed love was the friendship and attachment we had. Going everywhere together and doing everything together. I thought TRUE love was also being best friends and having the bond we had. I believed I had finally found the boy I waited my whole life for and I swore to myself I was going to marry him someday and nothing was going to stop me.

When I was about to turn 15 I believed love was a rollercoaster. I believed there were ups and downs, good times and bad times. I believed there was no such thing as an easy relationship but I was certain that ours was going to make it. I believed our love was real. I believed without him I was nothing and he was the other half of my heart. I believed we had become one person. I believed if I lost him I would lose everything and I believed neither of us would ever be able to move on. Without him there was no me. I believed it was worth it and I believed he truly loved me. And although I saw it coming to it's end, I just couldn't walk away in time before it all blew up.

When I had barely turned 15 I believed love was suicide. I believed love was the most painful yet beautiful thing in the universe. I believed he loved me, yet he left me like he didn't... without a second thought. I believed without him I was nothing and my life no longer had any meaning. When I tried to think about my life a year from then I couldn't vision anything in my head. I couldn't see myself living 6 months into the future unless it was with him. I believed there was something wrong with me and I was a disaster that no one could fix. I promised myself to never fall in love again.. I still believed love was real though...

Now that I'm 16 I believe love is dangerous. I believe that it just isn't meant for me and that I'm not the kind of girl a boy can love. I believe that I can be replaced easily as well as forgotten. I believe that falling in love is like walking a path of self destruction. Love is a risk I'm no longer willing to take. I stopped believing love was for me when he left me and now that my parents are divorcing I stopped believing in love all together. It's insane how long you can be with someone for one day just have them leave you empty handed. It's really sad too honestly. I try to stay away from it. I actually have tried to have a boyfriend since him but I can't do it anymore. It feels weird and I feel like it's a waste of time anyways. I know it will end in disaster either way so why waste months and years with someone who will just leave you one day.

Love just doesn't exsist to me anymore, it's not real.