I have accepted a truth
that I have been trying to avoid for quite some time
I am going to spend the rest of my life alone
I have believed in true love ever since I was a little girl
I wasn't the type who dreamed about a big wedding
I dreamed about life after a wedding
Buying a house
Raising dogs
Cookie dough fights during the holiday season
Painting a bedroom a wacky color
Going to concerts to celebrate anniversaries
Traveling to Europe
Growing old together and still sharing kisses in the snow
I have come to the conclusion that true love is not in the cards for me
You know when a woman gets news that she can't have a baby
Her heart breaks, she cries but she has to accept that reality?
That is sort of what happened to me tonight
I was writing a poem about love like I always do
and it hit me
The stuff I write about will never happen to me
I will never buy a house with someone so we can build a home together
I won't be raising a puppy with anyone
I won't be throwing cookie dough in my kitchen during the holidays
The bedroom I paint will not be a wacky color
I won't go to concerts for any reason other than to enjoy live music
I won't be sharing a story in Europe with anything other than my diary
I will be 80 years old still loving the snow by myself
and that is okay
As heartbreaking as that is
I am totally okay with that
Some people grow up to be famous
Some grow up to make a difference
Some grow up to raise a family
Some grow up to fall in love and spend the rest of their lives
with the one who took their heart and never let it break
I have been by myself for the last two years
I have become comfortable with loneliness
I have adapted
I am better off this way
I won't be able to hurt anyone and in return no one will hurt me
As tough as this was to accept
once I said the words out loud I felt this weight being lifted off of me
As if I had revealed a horrible secret I have been hiding
Do I still believe in true love?
Yes I do
It exists
It really does
It just doesn't exist for me
Am I sad?
I am heartbroken
Maybe more heartbroken than I have ever been in my entire life
But I will be okay
I will take this truth and move on with my life
That is what I do
I am not depressed
I am realistic
No man is ever going to want me
I am too complicated
I am too emotional
I am too much to handle
I love too much, I have been told before that I love too much
I don't know how to not love so much
I am not beautiful enough to be looked at naked
and take someone's breath away
I don't have what it takes to make someone happy
I am twenty three years old
It is better that I accept this now
so I don't waste my life hoping for something that won't come true
I will always be the brides maid
never the bride
I will always be somebody's friend or sister
never a crush or girlfriend
I will always be on the sidelines cheering on every one else's love stories
never will I have a beautiful story to look back on and cherish
I am okay with all of that
I really am