I wake feeling alone

I sleep next to
a live carcass

seems impossible huh

Maybe it's me
I'm  the carcass
just maybe huh

I have no feelings
or
I'm feeling too much
wanting and needing to much

I was told;
"no matter who I'm with
I'll never find happiness"

Maybe this unfeeling
non-understanding Carcass
has it right

Maybe it's me and always has been
I should feel alive and content
only thing I'm feeling is pain and confusion
judged and judgement
every day of my life

I thought being with this so called man
would be a wise investment
figured I'm hard working plus very family oriented

He's hard working but when it comes to family
I don't see it

He doesn't care unless its about him and his,
I never had someone so disloyal and selfish

Maybe that's why I'll never be happy
least not with him
but he's not been the only one to shun me
or disregard my feelings

as if  the words I say make no sense to him
like I'm speaking in a foreign tongue

He seems not to comprehend anything
no matter how many times I've expressed or explained
and I'm so tired of asking *******

Seems to me I'm always begging
& Naw I ain't to proud to beg
but it's become tediously boring
and no-productive

Sick of myself and not liking
whom I've become
no longer am I care free
I'm more pessimistic than ever
& I just want to be alone!

Love?
um I don't think so
I've been in too many relationships
all based on the pretenses
that it was out of "love"

I'm tired
I no longer wish
to be involved

Is it wrong
that I've
given UP?!

And  is it wrong that
I no longer wanna be
with a living Carcass?!?!*

Copyright ©
Ayeshah K.C.L.N
1977-Present  
All right reserved