I didn't expect to be writing this right now.
I really didn't.
This comes right from my transition.
I'm saying goodbye to the boy/man inside me that remained.
Eibhlin always said she'd have a funeral for the old me if I made the change, well, I'm holding it now.
Looking at what's ahead, I welcome my new life as a woman.  I'm not scared.
This is right and what I always wanted and I know I will be ok.
But there is some part I have to let go, to say goodbye.
It's a little-death I cannot avoid.
The boy inside that tried so hard.  He has to go.
To be put to sleep forever. So alone.
There's no turning back now for me.
With hot salty tears, sobs, and a lump in my throat I am killing part of me - a real, dear part,
so that I can live as my real self.  This is so sad to me.  Maybe no one can understand.  I actually LIKED that version of me, but he wasn't ME.
I never asked for this ******* contradiction.
Four decades gone. Ciao.
Ok, that's it. Out of my system? Maybe.
****.