A fear hibernates in my bones

Contract, release,

The moment he touches me.

I flinch and freeze
As I apologize,
And he kisses my cheek
and says it’s alright

But it isn’t! 

My mind knows,
but my body remembers

The disregard and humiliation

That was planted under my skin,

And it grew and grew 

And I’m sorry, now, that it has to be you

To see it.

I place a crooked smile on my face

And hug him gently.

“It isn’t you!” I try to say, 

But I choke, of course.

It’s like a chore:

Forgetting the monster

I once had love for.

I’ll never be able to explain

Why it’s so difficult for me to love
Or why I'm so terrified of the word “love” itself.
I seem to have
Lost every
Ounce of 

Vehemence and 

Empathy
And I’m sorry, now, that it has to be you

To see it.