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Melissa
Poems
Nov 2015
Ana
I wasn't looking for Ana—I had just seen her around
I didn't try to find her—it was me that was found
I wouldn't have guessed that we'd ever meet
But Ana's so clever—she just can't be beat
She'll crawl through a window when you close all the doors
And Ana, she's looking to settle a score
At first it was hard (controlling the greed)
But I've learned that Ana's the only friend I need
Free as a bird, light as a feather
I'm only happy if we are together
When the 'real' me started to show through my skin
people said, "you look so pretty, you look so thin"
No one realized I wasn't yet done
Cause Ana's work had only just begun
I realized I wasn't quite yet ideal
Life would be better if I skipped a few meals
As the scales dipped lower in my favor
I discovered 'skinny' was the tastiest flavor
Angles are corners, and corners can hide
Everything fat and twisted inside
When people started giving me looks
I smiled and said 'control' is all that it took
They shook heads, mouths curling down
I returned their disgust with a guarded frown
My friends tried to beg me to eat
But Ana just wouldn't let me cheat
Ana said eating was giving into fear
How could we stop when perfection was so near?
My parents told Ana was giving them a scare
But they didn't understand me so I didn't care
They told me Ana wasn't all that she seemed
But Ana had helped me achieve what I dreamed
Ana's the greatest and truest of friends
She promises that I'll be beautiful close to the end
It's Ana who holds my hair and lets me release
Whenever the urge to purge doesn't cease
Ana, oh Ana, so sneaky and wise:
"We're going to be friends until one of us dies"
I have to hide her away, people just don't approve
Ana's in my life and she can't be moved
Even if they tried, they couldn't take her away
Ana's in my heart and she's here to stay
People won't ever find in me what they seek
Because Ana has helped me perfect my technique
Then one day I felt more pain in body than in my heart
And I realized it was too late for me and Ana to be apart
Go ahead and befriend Ana if you dare
But reader, oh reader, please beware
You think that it's Ana who truly cares
But it's Ana who will haunt you everywhere
Once Ana gets a grip on you, she won't give you up
She'll just throw out your plate and empty your cup
"When people try to help, don't let them in"
See? With Ana, you can never win
After a while, she's gained all your trust
"lose more" she whispers, and you know that you must
For Ana's the master and you are the slave
She'll punish you sorely if you misbehave
It's too late by the time you realize the monster she's made
That's when you've already begun to fade
Please listen, dear reader—it's not the weight
It's not you—it's Ana that you truly hate
Ana's a wolf disguised as a sheep
But she'll stay by your side when death comes to reap
Ana and Mia are one in the same
Eventually it's your soul that they finally claim
I was fourteen when I paid the ultimate price
From taking dear Ana's 'helpful' advice
For my sister.
#depression
#anorexia
#bulimia
Written by
Melissa
Memphis, TN
(Memphis, TN)
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