The cold surface burned my palm.
I couldn't see beyond the curtain of tears
melting my eyes, distorting my vision.
I couldn't hear the screams
boiling in my throat, rising in my lungs.
I couldn't look anymore;
But I couldn't look away.

I wondered what it would be like
to see myself for the first time
in a way I never have.
For I used to see only you,
only the shackled freedom,
only my stupid wisdom,
only this love I could never taste.

Maybe I ought to have burned in hell
a long time ago, then I would have known
how to feel, how to cry out.
Nobody taught me how; nobody ever will.
My heart throbbed, but in a way that
could never be heard.
It suffered in silence. And it will so suffer
for as long as I allow it.

My salvation never came.
Maybe it got stolen along the way.
Or maybe it did, but I never saw it coming.