I'm sorry
I love you
I miss you
I wish, I just wish

The typical words that go storming and parading
Around in my head, I wish things
Could have been different
Hearing the words over and over
"He wanted you to be The One."
Tears trickling down my face every time
I imagine your pain
The heart break I caused you
As you let me soar, fly free, only to leave
You, down on your knees
Is the truth.

If I could paint a picture
And make you understand
I know deep in my heart
You will never be the right man
But God, how I wanted it
God, how I wanted you
But I slow myself down
As I fling myself into an oblivion
Which sometimes I confuse for loneliness
Abandonment, self loathing, and chaos
You whistled and hummed against me
So many times.

I've barely eaten today
Everything is such a chore
As clocks remind me I cannot stop
And men like you try to drain me
Like the tub that gets full of my roommates
Manes
I wish I wish
No,
I really don't.

I hope in time
You will open your eyes
As The Betrayer himself cooed late into the night
"It was hard for me to leave you. I didn't want to."
They always want me to be the one.

But when will the beautiful day come
Where I'm not looking
And I've got my beautiful white gold
Embellished in roses and fire
That a very brave, kind, strong
Warrior man
Will reveal himself to me
And always give me his hand.

I don't know
I thought that day would be sooner
I suppose
But here I am,
Shuffling through a deck of cards
Only to find
No aces or spades
That long and call my name.


But you tried
And I tried
We all did.
But I look next to me
Beside me
In front of me
And I find great comfort
In letting you go.

I take a step back
I let myself cry over colorful sweaters
And how you told me I was your angel
Just two weeks ago
I know you must replay and replay
My cold business and vivid eyes
In your mind, a thousand ******* times

So I leap and I dance
With no choreography
Or specific motifs
Tableus
Or set gestures planned


Because swan dives
Are the best
Pure and spontaneous.