You let me down easy.
In a way I couldn't process correctly.
Made it seem like everything I'd done was just cheesy,
And crushed my innards so completely.

Like a magician, you pulled my heart out of a hat,
And made it disappear.
Fed it to the rabbit, then fed him to a cat,
Abandoning all compassion with the words, "I'm sorry, dear."

You told me that I was great and deserved better,
But never once considered that maybe that's not what I wanted.
That maybe all I wanted was to feel like I mattered,
Like my cells weren't just meant to be wasting away underground infested;
With your false hope.

The many times we locked eyes,
The many times you made my heart leap,
Felt like nothing more than lies,
And made my love feel less than cheap.

It takes me back to the sugar,
When I felt like I could conquer the world.
And didn't need you as a supporter.
You sent me into a whirl.

You took the little sanity I had stowed away,
Stowed away for a rainy day,
Days like this where my one instinct was one more line,
Feeling like there was no more time.

I couldn't go back,
Yet I couldn't move forward.
You threw me, the mouse, on my back,
Tossed me into the maze and said, "sorry you just can't be my world."

I'm sorry I was so imperfect.
I'm sorry I couldn't give you reasons why I deserved you.
I'm sorry I was different.
I'm sorry my love was so impromptu.

The lines are getting longer.
They're starting to burn now.
The drip is getting stronger.
And the jump is getting fowl.

I'm tired of feeling worthless.
And I'm tired of feeling low.
I'm even more tired of these feelings seeming endless.
But the truth is, I never felt this way with the snow.

The white made me feel transparent,
Like nobody could see my heart on my sleeve.
The rock made me feel existent,
Like the jitters, and the way they made me feel,
"At ease."

I never once felt that I needed the powder when I was with you,
Nor did I feel like it would help.
I didn't feel that I needed the feeling amplified and anew.
I felt that what you gave me was enough, like I was top shelf.

So don't you dare make me feel like I wasted my time.
Don't you dare make me think that the time I spent with you was meaningless.
I cannot begin to fathom the audacity of this crime.
Don't make me feel like a broken Christmas.

I can't go back.
There is nothing for me there with the white.
I want to feel like you were my black,
Like I would be alright,
The palette had only two colors,
And I couldn't describe the light,
So you left me with locked doors,
And said "find your way though the night."

But that was just it.
I couldn't.
I needed to feel like I was a candle being lit.
But ****, you wouldn't.

I'm laying here alone,
Wishing I could still hold your hand.
Gravity pushing me down like a drowning stone.
I'll gently sink now; become one with the land.