Ah! 'twas so many moon ago When I met young(ish) Diana - Known as ***** Di to her friends Because of her willingness To gaily **** almost anyone Provided he was well-hung and sweet-smelling.
Ah! Delightful Bracknell New Town, Dormitory zone par excellence, And home to dear little ***** Di, A paradise where I fully intended To sleep with her (and much more) On our very first romantic date.
I felt a bit of slight extravagance Would ensure a good bunk-up So I checked out the GFG For a reasonably priced Candle-lit Italian restaurant Within a 10 miles radius.
After a rather tasty nosh-up We repaired to her proletarian home, The very first time yours truly Had ever been in a Council flat, (and I was a bit anxious about leaving my Audi A6 Turbo in the street).
As we headed for the bedroom She asked me conspiratorily To keep my ******* voice down As her eleven year old ******* son Was hopefully fast asleep, doped up On a generous dose of paracetemol.
O how lustily we two copulated! Indeed more than merely that; How I took full advantage of Her other delightful apertures; One could safely say that No holes were barred that night.
We were just in the middle of Session numero quatro Involving a vigorous ******* Bit of backdoor love-action, When the bedroom door opened And in walked little Reginald.
He said naught but only gaped To see Mummy in flagrante delicto (mercifully we were in the good old days before mobile phones and iPads, or else our ***** coupling would have made the rounds of Year 5).
Oft times have I wisely considered What impression that visual treat Might have made upon his growing mind: Was he emotionally scarred to find His dear Mama was a total slapper Who liked a bit of uninhibited botty-fun?
I doubt it - but I shall ne'er forget his cry, So revealing was it of the mores Of the aspiring lower classes: *"For Christ's sake who's banging your fat **** this time, Mum, Can't you keep the noise down, for once? I've got ******* school in the morning."